儿童的生命教练

Children's Life Coach Program

第九堂课:先称赞,后成功
Child Branding Opportunist

这个章节,一起探讨儿童品牌塑造主义者
This chapter, let’s look into child branding opportunist

那是什么意思呢?
What does it mean?

这是赞美的力量,品牌塑造的力量
It’s the power of compliments, the power of branding somebody

您想要某个人变得聪明
You want that somebody to be intelligent, 

您必须一直灌输那个人:“您是位聪明人”
you have to keep telling that person you are an intelligent person

找出很多的机会来塑造那个人
find a lot of opportunities to brand that person 

变成您想要的那个他
as the way that you want them to be

这怎么那么重要?
why this is very important

因为我见过很多次
because I have seen many times 

小孩很缺乏自尊心
the child has very low self-esteem

他们都不相信自己
the child don’t believe in themselves

为什么? 因为他们经常被告知
why? because they are constantly told

“啊!您每次都忘记” “您每次都做不好”
“ah, you always forget” “ah, you always not good at this”

“您每次都不听老师的话”
“You’ve never listened to teacher”

所以,您用这样的词语选择
so you use this kind of choice of words

他们就会开始相信
they start to believe in those words

所以,身为一位教育者
so as an educator, 

对我而言,除了游泳,那是非常重要的一点
it’s very important for me other than just teaching swimming

我想要提升他们的潜能
I want them to lift up to their potential

每当我察觉到他们有弱点
every time when I feel that they have a weakness

假设他们来找我,然后他们的父母分享到
let’s say when they come to me and the parent shared

很多老师说我的孩子不能专心
many teachers said this child is unable to focus

他拥有短暂的注意力
he has a very short attention span

不喜欢听老师的话
“doesn’t like to listen to teacher” 

当我遇到这样的孩子
so when I look at child like this, 

我会一直制造机会
I would constantly create opportunities 

让他听,执行,实现然后再塑造他
for him to listen, execute, achieve then I brand him

我会一直灌输他:“您看,您能做到”
so I keep telling him: “eh, you see you can do this, 

您知道您如何做到的吗?
you know why you could do it?”

因为您专注
“because you have focus

也因为每当您有好好地聆听
and because every time when you listen so well, 

您就能实现它
you could achieve it. 

只要您专注,您就是好学生
“you are a great student whenever you focus”

同样的过程:解释,他们实现
Again, the same process: explain, they achieve

一次又一次地塑造他们
brand them again and again

名誉很重要
Reputation is very important

即使是成年人不只是孩子,最常见的事情之一是
one of the most common things that even adults not just kids

他们常常说:“啊,我没有好的记忆力”

they often say: “ah, I don’t have good memory”

“我常常忘记” “我常常不记得这些”
“I often forget” “I often cannot remember all these”

因此,我让我的学生做的一件事是
so one of the things that I get my student to do is

我给予他们提示
I give them hints

比如说,我希望他们能够冒险
let’s say for example I want them to be able to take the plunge

尝试一些困难的事情,所以我给他们一个秘密
try something difficult so I give them a secret

我说:“我想告诉你一个秘密
I said: “there’s a secret I want to tell you that 

大多数学习上很快速的学生
how a lot of fast learning students

如何使用它来变得一位好学生“
whenever they apply this they become great student”

他们做些什么呢? 他们听,相信老师以及尝试
what do they do? they listen, they trust the teacher and they try

听,相信,尝试 好的,我们试试
listen, trust, try        okay, let’s do that

当我反问他们时
and when I ask them back

好学生应该做些什么
what does a good student do

他们很自然地忘了 哦,他刚刚说了什么?
so they forget oh what did he just said

此时,我会给予他们提示
so I usually give them hint

第一个是
the first one is lis….

他们就会告诉我说 ”听!“
Then they will tell me “listen!”

所以,当您给予他们提示时
“tru…” so you give them half the word

相信 他们会说尝试。。
trust. “T…r…u…” Then they say try

当您给予他们一半的字
so that, when you give them half of the words

那帮助他们完整句子
that help them complete those sentence

然后我再次问他们:“好学生有的三个要素是什么?”
then I try, I ask again: “what the 3 things that the good student has?”

如果他们又忘了,那是很正常的
then if they forget again, that’s very common that 

他们很可能忘了是因为
they might forget because sometimes 

有时,他们只是想让您知道,因为他们想讨您欢喜
they just want to tell you, just because they want to impress you that time 

可是,他们不真的记得那概念
but then they don’t really remember that concept

所以我会在让他们试试, 那三个要素是什么?
so I get them to try again, so what’s the 3 things?

我会用回同样的肢体语言
I just use back the same body language 

就如我之前所说的那样
as I have anchored to what I said earlier

当他们看到同样的肢体语言,他们就可以回想
and when they see that body language, they can remember

那也是另一种让他们的记忆力变强的方式
that’s another way to help them build up strong memory

最终他们就能一直记住我告诉他们的
so eventually when they can keep remembering what i told them

其实我很会记东西
actually i am pretty good at  remembering things

那能提升自己的自信
that helps build up  the self-confidence 

在教导技能之前,自信非常重要
self-confidence is very important before teaching a skillset

每次,我要教游泳前
every time before I want to teach swimming,

所有的技巧,划水节奏等等都是之后的事
all the skills, the strokes, all those are later

首要是,建立他们的自信, 拥有相信自己的能力
build their self-confidence first, the ability to believe in themselves

相信只要自己尝试,没什么不好的事会发生的
believe that if they try, nothing going to happen

他们就能够。。。
they will be able to 

如果他们失败了,没关系 只要他们一直坚持
if they fail, it’s okay as long as they keep failing, 

到最后他们一定能达到目标,所以尝试吧
they will be able to achieve it again in future, just try

我想要他们一直地探索自己的弱点
so I want them to keep exploring their weaknesses

然后再展示,让他们知道这不真的是弱点
and show them it actually not a weakness,

只是缺少了一些方案
it just lacking the method

当您掌握了对的方式,每个人都能学习到任何事
when you have the right method, anybody can learn anything

这也适合用于给成年人
and this apply for adults as well 

所以说,我最大的学生是82岁
that’s why my oldest student is 82 years old

82岁才开始学游泳
82 years old and start to learn swimming

为什么?因为没有什么是太迟的
why? because it’s never too late 

只不过是在过去,没有找到合适的人教导您
it just probably didn’t get the right person to teach you in the past

或是过去没有正确的心态
just probably didn’t have the right mindset in the past

可当您有了对的教学方式
but when you have the right way of teaching

以及拥有老师, 那您在任何年龄都能学到东西
and you have the teacher, anything can be learnt at any age

下一个学生经常面临的挑战是
the next thing that very frequently that a student has a challenge is

害怕失败 很多小孩不敢尝试
the fear of failure, a lot of kids dare not try

“来,我们尝试这个”, 他们不敢
you ask him: “let’s try this“, dare not

就算他们会了技巧,他们都不敢尝试
even their skills is already for that, they wouldn’t want to try

为什么?他们害怕如果他们做错了
why? they are afraid that if they do it wrong

你会责怪他们
you would scold them 

尽管您是新老师,您从未骂过他们
although you are new to that, you have never scolded them before

但这可能是过去的经验所导致的
but it could be a past experience, 

可能不小心弄跌了东西然后被大骂
maybe at home they drop something, they get bombarded

或是遇到另一个亲戚时
probably meeting with another relatives or 

他们经历了不好的经验,在某件小事上失败了
they have a very bad experience they failed something small 

然后被惩罚得不轻
and the punishment was very big

这也是为什么他们害怕冒险了
and there’s where they are afraid to take a risk

所以,我喜欢做的一件事是
so one of the things I like to do is

创造一个受控的失败环境
to create a controlled failure environment

当他们在范围内失败了,那不会带给他们任何的伤害
when they fail, it’s within a scope that it won’t bring them harm

也不会让他们处于危险处
it won’t bring them danger 

但是,他们至少有机会经历到失败,然后从中学习到东西
but they will have the chance to fail and learn something from it

打个比方,当我把学生放下水里时
so for example, I will hold them

我会扶着他们,我也会告诉他们说
when I put them in the water, I said

“当您就下去时,我会一直扶着您
I would always hold you when you go down 

您不会有事的
nothing would happen to you

如果您不能浮出水面,是需要空气
if  you cannot come up, if you need more air

您可以拍拍我
you can tap me, you can tap

”我需要协助,我需要上来了“
“eh, I need help!  I need help to come up”

我给了他们一个可以控制的按钮
so I give them a controlled button

所以当我带他们沉水
so when I bring them down,

他们想要再上回来
when they want to come up

他们只需拍拍我,我就会协助他们上来
they just tap, I bring up “hey”

当他们失败了,他们就没办法呼吸到空气
so whenever they fail, they cannot breathe air

我都会在他们那
I’m there for them

最终我还是用回一样的方式,我下水
so eventually I use the same way, I go down

我解释给他们听
I explain to them in upfront, I said

我说我会下水,我会放手,我不会握着您
I will go down, I will let you go, I will not hold you

您也不会握着我,可是您的手很靠近我
you will not hold me, but your hand is very near

每当您想浮上水面,您只需拍拍我
whenever you want to come out, you just tap me

然后我就会带您上来, 所以我给了他们一种控制感
then I will bring you up so I give them a sense of control

当我给了他们一种控制感
so whenever I give them a sense of control,

至少事情发生了,他们能感受到
something happens and they feel that 

“哇,原来我还能做得到!”
“wah, I can still do it”

我也给他们设定了一个目标
and I give them a goal, let’s say

我会给予他们一个5秒钟的目标
I will give them a goal of 5 seconds

如果他们能做到4秒钟,没关系
and if you can do it 4s, it’s okay

可以再试试 至少您做到了4秒钟
let’s try again       but at least you did 4(seconds) 

之前,您只能做到3秒,现在4秒了
earlier you can even do 3 now you can do 4

每次我会设定一个很小的,
and every time I want to set a goal that so small

他们一定能完成的目标
that definitely they can over achieve it

所以,当他们能够做到5秒
so whenever they can do 5seconds, 

好的,我们尝试6秒
okay let’s try to  do 6 seconds

当他们能做到首5秒,那自信就建立的
when they can do the first 5, the confidence is there

您会看到他们就会做多一点了
you see, they will do more already

这是,我应该做些什么呢?我采用一些诡计
so what I do? again I use a little bit of deception

我将在一开始时,算的快一点
I will start counting fast at the beginning

12345 您做到了5秒钟!很棒!
1,2,3,4,5 eh, you can last for 5 seconds! well done!

那我们试试6秒钟
let’s try about 6 seconds

就这样,下一次当他们更有信心时,我就会算快点
then the next time when they are more confident, I count faster

7,8,9,10 哇!那是10秒钟!我只叫你做到6秒钟
7,8,9,10 wow! that’s 10(seconds) I only ask you to do 6(seconds)

可您能做到10秒钟 哇你达到了!
But you can do 10 (seconds) wow you achieved!

同时,我们的情绪也要很大
Our expression also must be very big

我喜欢慢慢撕下表情
and I like to slowly tear up the expression

每当我们为他们的进展,他们的成就而感到很开心
whenever we are very happy for their progress

我都会提高自己的声音,变得更加兴奋
I will keep raising my voice, will get more and more excited about that achievement

他们也会感受到 “哇,我太喜欢了!”
and they will feel “wow, I love it so much!”

总要赞不绝口,然后塑造他们
and always bang it with a compliment, bang it with a branding

“哇,您是个超棒的学生
“wow, you are such a great student where 

因为您敢失败,当您失败了,您就会明白那道理
whenever you fail, you dare to fail and you can get it

您可以一直做错直到您做对为此
you can get to do it wrong until you get it right

即使在他们做错前
even before they do it wrong

所以我会一直地塑造他们
so when I keep branding them again and again

每当您重复地塑造莫个人时
every time when you repeat to somebody about that certain branding

他们都会慢慢相信它,那是好的赞美
and it’s a good compliment they will slowly believe in it

那我们可以尝试什么?
so what can we try

我希望您能找到一个机会
so I want you to find an opportunity 

每当您想要让您的孩子做某件事时
whenever let’s say you want your child to do something

或您要您的学生做某件事时
you want your student to do something

我要您很谨慎于
I want you to be very aware 

您是否有用到 ‘每次’,或 ‘从不’
if you are using the word ‘always’, if you are using the word ‘never’

同时,您也会涉及一些负面的情绪
associated with something negative

打个比方:“您每次都不会记得的”
let’s say like: “You always didn’t remember” 

您从来不记得,您每次去拜访人家的家时都不会叫阿姨的
you never remember, you always didn’t call aunty when you come to visit people house

您从不脱您的鞋子, 我希望您能注意一下你的用词
you never take off your shoe, I want you to be very aware of your choice of words

因为当您说出那 “每次”,那 “从不”
because when you say that, that ‘always’, that ‘never’

同时您也带有负面的想法,那您其实在间接地塑造他们
and with a negative thing, you are indirectly branding them

您希望他们下次能叫声阿姨
you want them to call aunty the next time they go to her house

那您就说:“我相信您一定会记得叫阿姨的”
then said: “I am sure you will remember to call aunty”

尝试吧
try that

有时您可能忘了,可是我相信您一定会越来越记得
sometimes you will forget, I’m sure you will remember more and more

您练习的越多,您就会明白越多
the more you practice, the more you will remember

您也将会更快的了解到
you will get it very quickly 

所以别塑造他们为健忘
so don’t brand them as forgetful

我也有说道,只需再记得多一些
and then I say just need to remember a little bit more

只需在练习多一些, 所以塑造是非常重要的
just need to practice a little bit more so that branding is very important

注意一下自己有没有使用 “每次” 或 “从不”
catch yourself if ever you are using the word ‘always’ or ‘never’

与否定的词语, 另一个提示,我要您尝试的是
associated with a negative word and another tip for you that I want you to try

赞美是非常强的,非常好在塑造一个人
compliment is very powerful, very good at branding somebody

当您不直接与他交谈时
when you are not talking directly to them

我记得最多的好故事之一是与我的孩子一起
one of the good stories that I remember the most is with my child

我们都有共同的问题
we all have the same problem

就连我是一位教练, 当他们有很多乐趣时
even I am a swimming coach right it’s very hard for us to bring our kids out of the pool

把孩子从泳池里叫上来是件很难的事
when they are having so much fun

当时间一到时,我们真的需要去吃晚餐
so when the time is up, we really need to go for dinner

我们真的需要去某些地方,有约
we need to go somewhere else, an appointment

可他们还想 “多一次!给我10分钟,我想再玩一会”
but they still “oh one more! give me 10more minutes, let me play some more

我还想要,我不想回家先
I still want to, I don’t want to go home yet”

每个人都遇到这样的挑战,是吧?
everyone has this challenge right

就连教练我们也是会遇到孩子不想回去的问题
even swimming coach, we have a problem with asking our kids to go back as well

所以我就做了一件事我在孩子面前向妻子夸另一个小孩
so one of the things I did was I complimented another child in front of my wife, 

我也知道我的儿子在听
and I know my son is listening

我就说到:“您知道那天我看到有位小朋友
so I said: “eh, you know I saw that day there was a kid where

父母甚至都没叫他的名字
the parent didn’t even call his name

父母只是招了招手,那小孩就上来了”
the parent just wave and the child just go up

然后我又接着说:“这很神奇,是吧?”
and I said wow this is magical

平常都很难才能交到您上来,您就想玩多一点
normally it’s so hard, normally you want to play some more

我又说到
so then I said

如果我的儿子也能做到, 那就太酷了
oh, maybe if my son can do something like that, that would be very cool also

要不然,我们试试,好吗?
let’s try that. Hey son, you want to try this or not

等哪天我们去泳池时,当我向您招手时
One day when we go to pool when I do a wave

您就快点上来, 如果您想再玩的话
you come up instantly, but if you feel like playing

比如说您想再玩5分钟的话, 您就比5
if let’s say you want another 5 minutes, you just show this 5

那我就给您多一个5分钟, 可就只能这样,不能再多一个5分钟,好吗?
then I will give you another 5minutes but that’s it, that not more than 5 okay?

然后您就会自动上来了那会有多奇妙啊
then you come up automatically that’s so magical

让我们来看看您是否可以尝试
let’s see whether you can try that

所以一旦他能够做到这一点, 我会回去立刻对我的妻子表示赞赏
so once he is able to do that and instantly I go back and I compliment to my wife

您知道我们的儿子今天很特别, 我都不需要叫他
you know my son is also wow he is so special I don’t even need to call him 

真是如魔术,就像一个魔术教练
it’s like magic, he said wow this is like a magic coach

都不需要叫他,只需向他挥挥手
he doesn’t even need to call, he just waves his hand

儿子就从泳池上来了
and the son just come out of the pool

太自动自发了,我们有一个很棒的儿子
wow so automatic, what a great son we have

所以当你称赞他时可是不是直接性的
so when you compliment about him but not directly to him, 

向其他人赞赏他, 那影响力是更强大的
compliment to someone else the impact is a lot stronger

那小孩在听着您说的, 他会记得您所说过的话
the child listening to you if dropping(jotting) what you are saying they will remember

还有,我也想感谢我的妈妈
and I thank my mum as well

当我回想过去我刚刚开始教学时
when I think back when I start teaching

我记得我的母亲其实都有一直在赞赏我
I start to remember actually my mum always compliment

您是个很聪明的孩子
you are a very intelligent kid 

哇!我的儿子很聪明的
wow! my son is very intelligent one

当时的我不怎么觉得自己很聪明
then I don’t feel that I am intelligent as well

可是,正因她不断地的塑造
but because she keeps branding and branding

我开始觉得 “可能我是很聪明的”
I feel “maybe I am the intelligent one

可能我擅长解决问题可能我很有才华
maybe I am good at problem-solving maybe I am creative

我就开始探索,寻找解决问题的方式
I start exploring, finding ways to solve problem

寻找提高创造力的方式
finding ways to be more creative

最终,我能够实现很多我想实现的目标
and eventually, I’m able to achieve a lot of things i want to achieve

所以,尝试吧
so try that

寻找机会以您希望他们成为的方式塑造他们
find an opportunity to brand your child the way that you want them to be

即使这是他们的弱项
even if it’s their weakness

重点回顾

赞美有塑造一个人的力量。
Compliments have the power to brand somebody.

在教导技能之前
Before teaching a skill set

自信非常重要。
Self-confidence is very important.

当掌握了对的方式
When you have the right method

每个人都能学习到任何事。
anybody can learn anything.

你的弱点其实不是真的弱点
Your weakness is not really a weakness

你只是缺少了一些方案来对应。
 you just lack some methods to deal with.

创造一个受控的失败环境
Create a controlled failure environment

当他们在范围内失败了,那不会带给他们任何的伤害和危险。但是他们有机会经历到失败,然后从中学习到东西。
When they fail within the scope, it won’t bring them harm and danger. But they will have the chance to fail and learn something from it.

不要使用与否定词相关的词语如
Don’t use words such as

“总是”,“从不”. 您是在间接地塑造他们。
 “always”,”never” associated with something negative. You are indirectly branding.

不直接性的称赞他,向其他人赞赏他
Compliment about him but not directly to him

那影响力会更强大。
compliment him to someone else. The impact is a lot stronger.

寻找机会以您希望他们成为的方式塑造他们
Find an opportunity to brand your child the way that you want them to be

即使这是他们的弱项。
Even if it’s their weakness.

下一堂课:

其他主题教学影片

儿童的生命教练 叶友泉 网络课程

Children’s Life Coach Program

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