儿童的生命教练

Children's Life Coach Program

第七堂课:学习辨认真正的问题
What looks like the Problem may not be the problem

好的在这集, 我们会谈到
alright in this chapter, let’s explore the concept that 

一个问题其实也不一定是个问题
a problem may not actually be the problem 

有时我们需要寻找问题的来源
sometimes we have to find the source of the problem 

在我事业上我已经管理超过30个教练
in my career now I have been managed about 30 over coaches 

很多次教练跟我说
many times coaches come to me and say 

啊 我不会教这个学生
ah I am stuck at teaching this student

他可以游25米蛙式
he can swim like 25meter breaststroke 

他已经上了3 到 4 堂课
but have been taking 3 or 4 class

但他就是过不了25米, 真的不知道怎么教了,我真的不会教了
but he still can’t go more than 25meter, I’m really stuck 

我时常听到这个
I get this very often

其实不管蛙式还是自由式
whether there is breaststroke, whether there is freestyle

如果是我, 我不会马上
then when I take a look at it, I don’t immediately 

教学生蛙式
teach the student breaststroke 

我会先教基础性的技能支柱
I ask him to show me more basic things 

让我看您怎么踢水,看您怎么浮上水面呼气
show me how you padel, show me how you come up for air

从这里我可以了解学生
from there I can see that there are certain foundation 

某些的基本基础还没搞好
that are not fixed yet

基础就像是一间房子的支柱
so it’s very important to treat the foundation as a pillar of a house 

要建房子的第一步骤就是建支柱
when you build the house you need to build the pillar first 

建屋顶和窗口前
before you build windows, before you build the roof on top

房子的基础很重要
the foundation is very important 

所以时不时我会观察学生的呼气节奏
so from times to times, I look into breathing

有时看他们如何站在水里
sometimes I look into how they stand up 

因为有时他们会站不稳
because sometimes when they cannot stand up properly

这会导致到他们不自信
their feel not confidence, they feel like 

有时觉得是运气, 或有时可以有时做不到
some is lucky, sometimes I can stand sometimes I cannot 

所以当他们在游泳时
so when they are swimming their best stroke 

他们没想着自己的划水节奏
they are not thinking about their stroke 

反而想着等一下如何站起来
they are thinking about can I stand up later? 

如果有突发状况,我如何站起来
if something happens to me later what would I need to do 

就这样学生被 “如果” 打扰了
so they are so distracted about the “what if”

基础不稳定的学生他们将会很费力的学习划水
and those are not stable they can’t learn their breaststroke properly

尽量尝试寻找问题的来源
so find what is the foundation the source of the problem

我要分享一个故事,我曾经有个学生
I want to share a story where it used to have this student where 

他陷害其他同学甚至告诉他家人
he frames other students for doing wrong and he would tell his parents

“这个课不好, 有其他学生一直烦到我”
say “ahh this class is not good because i have this students and is disturbing me”

到最后我们把他换去让另一个教练教课
and eventually we change that student, we change him to another coach

有一次非常严重
and there was a time where it got pretty serious when

对我们来说这是一个警报, 他对教练使用粗话
one of the red flag was he start using vulgar words to teacher 

我必须介入解决
and that’s shows a red alert so I teach my teachers how to solve this

到最后事情平静了一下
and eventually it neutralise for awhile 

但过不久他的态度回来了
but then it keeps coming back again 

这名学生他开始
and there was a point where the student

陷害我们的教练,甚至试图威胁他的教练说到
starts framing the teacher starts threatening teachers and said 

“您不让我早回家,我就告诉我家人您在辱骂我”
“if you don’t let me stop the class early I will tell my dad you are abusing me”

“你打我, 你捏我”
“you are beating me, you are pinching me”

这是一件可怕的情况,教练都不知如何所措
that is very scary and the teacher don’t know what to do

教练报告给我知道
so the teacher came to me and say 

我觉得我教不通这位孩子, 他太顽皮了
I don’t think i can teach this kid, this kid is just too mischievous 

我控制不住他
I can’t handle this kid

那么我就邀请了这位孩子过来和我沟通
so i just invite him for a talk, i didn’t talk to the parents first

想着试图了解为什么这学生有此做法
I just invite him for a talk and from there i try to ask from his perspective 

我问到”您认为您的举动对吗,为什么对教练没礼貌
what do you think about your actions, why do you say vulgar words to your teacher

“因为我觉得很酷”
and he said “because it’s cool”

“您认为威胁老师能得到您想要的?”
Do you think by threatening the teacher you get what you want? 

他说到 “是!我爸爸是蠢蛋他相信我说的任何话”
he said yes, my dad is an idiot, he believe anything that I say

这时我才发现
so when i start to look at this i realise 

我不应该阻止学生不要骂粗口或不该威胁教练
I shouldn’t try to force him to don’t say vulgar words, you shouldn’t frame a teacher 

我不应该尝试解决这个问题,我应该换个角度
I shouldn’t go and attack the problem, I should turn it around 

我觉得 “您是个很有创意的小孩,您是个非常聪明的小孩”
so i start thinking “I think you are very creative, I think you are very intelligent boy”

“您有非常好的战略,您可以得到您想要的”
“You have good strategy to get what you want”

“不是所有孩子都跟您一样”
“Not many kids can do that”

“我建议您可以把您的实力放在其他地方”
“I recommend that you try to channel your creativity to something else”

“您有玩电子游戏吗?“
“Do you play games?”

他开始说哦我有玩这个我有玩那个
and he start saying oh ya I play this game and straight away 

当说到游戏他的脸充满了笑容
his face light up because talk about video games and he enjoy himself

我说到 “这都是普通的游戏你应该玩更有战略的游戏”
so start sharing ”those are simple games, you should be playing more strategic game“

尝试玩刀塔2, 尝试下棋,这些游戏都需要战略的计划
try DOTA 2, try chest, try goal, all this needs multiple steps ahead 

碰巧您有这方面的实力
you need to think multiple steps ahead and you have the ability

我觉得在这方面您可以做得很好, 您有这方面的潜能
try that i think you gonna do very well in that, you have the potential

我也问到他喜欢的英雄是什么
and ask him who is your favorite hero 

他说到是蝙蝠侠
so he shared with me oh it’s batman 

那谁是坏人, 是小丑
then who is the villant, joker

那你喜欢蝙蝠侠还是小丑
do you like joker more or batman

他说到”蝙蝠侠“
he said batman 

你看蝙蝠侠和小丑都有他们的技能
so if you see batman and joker both are very good at their skills 

他们都非常的聪明非常的创意
both are very intelligence, both are very creative 

但是把技能用在错的地方
but if you use your skills with the wrong intention at the wrong place 

您会变成坏人
you become the villain, you become the bad guy

使用您的技能在对的地方
if you use your good skills your creativity in the right way 

您就是个穿着好看的西装和武器的亿万富翁
you become billionaire with a cool suit with cool weapons

您能成为蝙蝠侠, 但是如果不小心您也可能会成为小丑
you can be batman, but if you are not careful you can be joker

自从这天起,这孩子想通了
and from that time on he start to think it make senses

从这里我们不只单单的改变了他的心态
so from there not only we help them to change the mind set 

也改变孩子们的想法
change the different frame of thinking 

以替代孩子说粗口
instead of asking him to stop saying vulgar word

以替代孩子威胁老师
instead of asking him to stop framing teacher 

我们引导他的创意
we channel his strategy, channel his creativity 

引导他的专长到更好的方向
highlight his strength to something else 

我也有一个故事关于我的孩子
another story I had was with my own son 

有一天我的儿子回到家,我发现他的衣服很肮脏
one day my son came back his shirt was very dirty 

当我好奇为什么会这样 他哭着说
i was wondering why then he almost cried he said 

“有人往我肚子踢了一脚,非常痛”
“someone kick me in the stomach its very painful”

”哦我讨厌这个人,每次都欺负我, 这是第二次了“
“oh i hate that guy he always bullying me this is the second time”

我的妻子听了很生气
my wife got so angry listening to it

想要和校长谈,想要和老师谈
want to talk to the headmaster, want to talk to the teacher

因为这是不允许发生的事
and say they shouldn’t allow this to happen

霸凌是错误的,为什么老师没有采取任何行动
bullying is wrong why didn’t the teacher do anything about it 

我让妻子冷静后告诉她
but I slow down my wife i told her 

“我们来看看如何更好的解决”
“lets see how we can do this better” 

于其陷入如何解决霸凌的问题
instead of going into the problem of stopping that bullying 

不如问问他有什么想法
I just told him what do you feel like doing 

“我想打回他” 孩子说到
he say “I feel like hitting him back”

为什么当时没打呢?
why didn’t you?

“我不知道,我不会打架,我不够强壮”
“I don’t know, I don’t know how to fight, I’m not strong enough”

好的, 那么您想学武术吗
I said “okay, do you want to learn martial arts”

他说“是的”
he said “yes”

但是这是不是解决方案,如果自己学会了武术
but is that a solution where if you learn how to be strong

知道自己会打那么不就轮到您来霸凌吗?
and you know you can fight better and you start bullying him 

您觉得他会喜欢被霸凌的感受吗?
Do you think he will like that feeling of being bullied? 

是不是不想要有这样的感受?
Do you want that feeling to go away? 

尝试转换思考的角度
so think outside of the box 

有时候就是要看开一点
sometimes when you get bully just let go

就告诉他们我不喜欢这样,我觉得您这样做不对
just say I don’t enjoy that, I don’t think what you are doing is working

我可以怎么帮助你? 我觉得您是个好人
how can I help you? I think you are a great guy

学习如何赞扬他人的强项
learn how to compliment the other person for his strength

您非常强壮, 我觉得一些活动适合您
”you are very strong i think you should be playing this sports“

您应该尝试足球, 应该尝试
you should try football, you should be trying

学一些武术,尝试武功
something like martial arts, try wushu

就这样他尝试,他和那位学生沟通
so from there he tried that, he talk to that person

每当那位学生要欺负我孩子时, 我孩子试图和他谈判
he negotiated with that boy, everytime when they try to fight 

“啊!我今天不想和您争吵”
he said ”ah I’m not gonna fight with you“

“您最强, 您最棒”
you are the strongest, you are the best

到最后,这一切都过得很顺利
eventually it worked for him and that is way more powerful 

这不单单只是解决了一个霸凌事件
it does not solve that one single bully alone

他将会开始应用这技巧
he will start to apply this same skills to 

在生活上的不同情况,如果他又再被欺负
many other situation in his life if he is gonna get bullied again

重点回顾

一个问题其实也不一定是问题
A problem may not actually be the problem

有时我们需要寻找问题的来源。
sometimes we have to find the source of the problem.

要开始教孩子任何东西之前
Before start any lessons

一定要先检查他的基础。
it is important to check his/her foundation first.

于其陷入如何解决问题
Instead of going into the problem

不如换一个角度,使用引导的方式。
turn it around, try to use guidance instead.

学习如何赞扬他人的强项
Learn how to compliment the other person for his strength

这能帮助你更好的与他人沟通。
this will helps you communicate better with others.

下一堂课:

其他主题教学影片

儿童的生命教练 叶友泉 网络课程

Children’s Life Coach Program

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